Living Fat and Unhappy

Why we need a Personal Philosophy to Live Fulfilling Lives

Getting Fat and Happy?

I recently went to an all-inclusive resort with the family.

The island was beautiful, the people were welcoming, and every meal or drink I wanted was seemingly at my fingertips and on demand:

• affogato (for those who are not in the know, this is a double espresso poured on top of a scoop or two of vanilla ice cream - it may just change your life)

• crepes - my go to is either Nutella or peanut butter combined with banana

• surf and turf for dinner

• omelets made to order

• any and all the beer, wine, and liquor you could possibly want to consume

• sushi and sashimi all day

• For the adventurous types - curried goat, braised oxtail, and jerk chicken popping with seasoning

But it wasn’t just about filling my stomach and satisfying my pallet, it was about the experiences of it all:

• snorkeling over the coral reef

• jumping into serene rivers

• off-roading in atvs

• going up mountains in gondolas only to be served so well at the top with more food and drink, zip lines and obstacle courses, and an amazingly fun pool slide with an awesome view

• massages, cold plunges, saunas, and other spa treatment

• piano bar and nightly concerts

Our entire family was wined, dined, and served amazingly well. We had no work to do since they cleaned, cooked, and served us around the clock. Combined with the beautiful surroundings of teal-blue waters, coconut trees, and picturesque sunrises and sunsets we experienced for a few days what it could look like with everything given and provided to us as if we were the center of the universe.

But things are never as perfect as we imagined, hoped, or it seemed.

Despite working out for four of the seven days there, I gained three pounds. But that's the simplest part of the challenges to our perfect vacation.

The more complicated part was despite having everything given to me, the allure and enjoyment of it all started to diminish after the first two or three days.

Now I know hedonistic adaptation is a thing, but gosh I did not realize it happened so fast and at such extreme experiences as well!

While my body and cravings were pretty much satisfied in nearly every possible way, I couldn’t help but feel.... fat. And I don’t mean physically - though I was certainly not building any muscle during this time :)

What I mean is I was just consuming all of the time:

• food

• drink

• experiences

I didn’t work for any of it.
It didn’t require anything from me.
I didn’t contribute to it.

I just ate, drank, and experienced without cost and without limit.

And it not only was adverse to my physical body, it felt in many ways injurious to my soul and spirit.

Now wait - I’m not saying vacations are inherently bad and I don’t want to come off spoiled or ungrateful. I’m so happy we got the privilege and resources to go on this vacation as a family. We needed it and wanted it. And we truly did enjoy it.

The Picture Perfect Life We Are Supposed To Want

But as I am want to do, it got me thinking about this experience overall from a philosophical and cultural perspective.

I mean, isn’t this the picture and dream we are all supposed to chase? Living a life of relaxation, being served, and consuming to no end whatever we want?

We need more.....food, drink, cars, followers, clothes, houses, money, sex, drugs, fame, status, power....

The advertisers and companies all around us tell us we want more - that we need more.

That life would be perfect or better if we just had....or achieved...

You pull that rationale to the extreme and all the way to the end and you end up in an all-inclusive resort in effect :)

But let me tell you

Something about the human condition and our experience on earth is dissatisfied when we are seemingly at the center of the universe.

We are made to work, to contribute, to serve, to sacrifice and to create.

Put another way, we aren’t made to be endlessly served and consume.

There must be some sort of balance or harmony.

• We need to consume (we are very good at this) and we need to create (need help here).

• We need to do (this is the default for most overachievers like you and I) and learn to be (like you, I’m failing here).

• We need to be in the noisy world (life is expended here) and get silence and solitude to contemplate (life is given here).

A Personal Philosophy to Avoid Having Fat Outer Lives and Starved Inner Lives

Ultimately, we need to steward our outer life (default) as well as our inner life (lots of room for improvement here).

In effect, we need to create our own personal philosophy on how to live our everyday lives in this broken and messy world that includes a view on what we do, don’t do, and why.

Epictetus put it more succinctly when he said "All philosophy lies in two words: sustain and abstain."

Even when given so much of what I thought I wanted, I realized I needed to abstain a lot more and it took real discipline to do so (especially when you start playing the value game and say "well I paid for all of this as part of the all-inclusive resort package." )

We are in a world where over-consumption and self-indulgence is the norm and status quo.

We are told we should want to be at the center of it all and consume to our delight.

But the reality is we are very good at sustaining such things but this often absent-minded consumption is slowly forming us into something lesser than what we are designed to be.

The scales of society are tipped in the direction of the outer world with over consumption, doing, and distraction.

It takes a personal philosophy of being explicit on what we want to sustain and abstain rooted in first principles and conviction to live an integrated life.

If we slow down and reflect on the life we want to live and are intentional, we can live where our outer and inner lives are in harmony.

If we don’t, the system of society is designed for us to have fat outer lives and starved inner lives.

And at the end of the day, it’s the inner life that drives purpose, meaning, and a fulfilled life.

Without well-developed inner lives, we don’t have a fighting chance to be uniquely ourselves, contribute to others, and ultimately live fulfilling meaningful lives.

Questions to Contemplate:

1. Where do you over-consume or do? Why?

2. What should you abstain more from? What’s stopping you?

3. How well-developed is your inner-life? What would help you develop it more?