Living a Life of Conviction
Building an anti-fragile life that’s driven by conviction not distraction and ordering our internal life to impact our outer life.
You’re not living the life you are meant to live.
Deep down inside, you know it.
But you ignore it because the pain of that reality doesn’t hurt enough, and you’re good at ignoring it. You tell yourself the same story:
The life I want to live is too hard or impossible to have.
My life is not that bad.
The costs of living the life I want are too high.
People would think I’m crazy to give up what I have.
And yet, when you go to bed at night or find yourself undistracted, the same thought pops back up: “There is more to life than this, right?”
Same Conversation, Different Month
I have the same conversation with myself every month or so. It revolves around this feeling that I’m not living the life I would design. If I pause and think about it, I can quickly identify basic things I’d want to change. Namely, I’d want to spend more of my time with my family and friends; serve my community more; be more consistent in my reading, writing, and working out; and deepen the integration of my faith in my daily life.
I know the person I want to be: A person who is present with the people in my life, an athlete, and a man of faith. Someone who reads widely, thinks deeply, and publishes consistently.
Unfortunately, that’s not how I live my life. Typically, I lose a lot of time being distracted by my phone. Usually, YouTube is what gets me—“there are so many things I could learn.” This is the lie I tell myself.
I don’t order my day—my energy and focus—in a way that supports my ideal way of living.
I can’t blame my phone for everything. The other major culprit is that I try to do too much. Instead of doing everything poorly, I should do a few things well.
But which things? What and why are all of the things I should say “no” to so I can say “yes” to the few things that really matter?
Living Distracted
It strikes me that we are taught a lot of things in school but how to practically live in this crazy world isn't one of them.
What are the set of principles that govern the way I (want to) live my life? How do I live my life so that when it comes to an end, I can have confidence that I did not let it pass by staring at a screen that showed me things that mostly don’t matter?
Distracted is defined as "having one's thoughts or attention drawn away". We are easily distracted because that which draws us away is stronger than what we intend to focus on. Put another way, my desire to be the person I know I’m made to be is not as strong as the YouTube videos, the emails, the LinkedIn notifications that incessantly draw me away. That’s pretty sad if you think about it. But it’s true, and in this case, the truth really does hurt.
Most of us pass through life distracted.
Instead of living an intentional life, we are living an interrupted life.
Our devices are often the doors to living distracted, disordered, and diverted lives.
This little seemingly innocuous device that promises so much convenience and freedom is really the largest Trojan horse in all of our lives. It’s a burden many of us have too easily accepted, leading to lives of bondage.
Instead of living lives of significance, many of us are living superficial lives.
But what’s the opposite of living distracted?
Living Convicted
Conviction is defined as“a strong persuasion or belief,” but its etymology is more illuminating: conviction shares its root with the word “conquer” and implies “to overcome decisively…to fight.”
It seems to me the reason why I and so many others live lives of distraction and not conviction is because:
We are not clear about our beliefs and values
We don’t care about our beliefs and values more than what distracts us
We don’t have enough fight in us to get started and keep going
We are all in the fight of our lives - we are fighting for our Souls.
If this sounds like an extreme overstatement, then maybe like me you’re too drunk off the digital distraction your device provides.
We can choose to fight and conquer this challenge or not, but the first step in the battle is to recognize and accept that you’re in one.
Marines and Monks - Clear Conviction in a Chaotic World
Marines inherently train and prepare for a chaotic and disorderly life.
That’s a very nice way of describing the ugliness of war. The instability and pure chaos of life in combat is hard to articulate, and yet that’s the life Marines are trained to live.
How?
First, there is a clear orientation towards the organization’s mission and ethos that make the Marines “The Marines.” Marines have conviction about who they are and why they exist: they are America’s 911 force, and they intend to win wherever they are sent.
Second, they train for the life they expect to live. They operationalize their values into a rhythm of life. Marines work out regularly, qualify with their weapons annually, and do a host of things throughout the year to master their specific craft.
Third, they expect life to be hard. In some ways, they thrive in such a mentality. The harder the training, the more miserable the existence, the heartier the laugh. Seriously, some of the most fun I’ve had in my life was when I was miserable training with my men. There was a lot of “suck” in training and in combat. But when the dust settled, we typically looked at each other, made fun of something or someone, and laughed our hearts out. We were proud of how hard life was, and we were the few that not only survived in it, we thrived in it. Marines will keep going no matter what you throw at them. It’s just their way of life.
The value of this kind of mentality - of being anti-fragile - cannot be overstated.
Monks are in many ways very similar.
When you think of a Monk, you very often think of contemplation and discipline.
Monks contemplate - a lot.
While most people's lives are filled with the cacophony of unintentional busyness, Monks are strengthened by the silence that surrounds them and the intentionality within them.
They are intentional about everything and have a rhythm of life that’s simply hard to replicate. They typically live by a “rule” of sorts—the Rule of Benedict, or Augustine, etc.—which governs the way they intend to carry out their days. It is not for the faint of heart, and yet, it’s what makes a Monk a Monk.
Why?
Because they have conviction. Their lives are consequences of the values they espouse.
They give up so many aspects of life that many of us would find daunting because they are clear-eyed about what they get in return.
They happily exchange money, possessions, and perceived freedom to do whatever they want in return for living deeply connected, spiritual lives of service to their faith and values.
Both Marines and Monks have high levels of conviction and aspire to live lives of order and discipline. While no one lives up perfectly to their aspirations, Marines and Monks present great examples of those who strive valiantly to integrate their inner and outer lives despite their inherent shortcomings.
Monks live lives of inner order and Marines train for a life of order in a chaotic external world. We can too.
Building Anti-Fragile Lives
Interesting observation: Marines and Monks explicitly make clear what they believe in.
We all believe in something, but many of us don’t make explicit what that belief is. That is to our detriment and is at the core of what leads to lives of distraction.
We should be encouraged to borrow from such practices and apply them in our own lives.
Let’s get conviction on our values and the life we want to live.
If you’re like me, you have lots of thoughts on what kind of person you want to be and how you’d like to live your life, but these thoughts are fleeting and often don’t translate into a life transformed by such values.
I get easily distracted.
I clearly don’t have enough conviction.
I’d like to change that.
Come join me in living a life that’s driven by conviction and not distraction, that orders our internal life and operationalizes it in our outer life. Let’s build anti-fragile lives—ones in which the inevitable obstacles that come with life truly do make us stronger.
I’d like to research how we get more conviction by creating our own life mission statement, rule of life, or personal philosophy. If you have resources you know that could be helpful, please send them my way!
Questions to consider
What distracts you the most during an average day or week? Be specific.
What are the values that govern your life? Do you live them out? Why or why not?
What creates chaos or disorder in your life? How do you fight it?