Everyday we’re being conditioned.

Not occasionally.

Not accidentally.

But every hour and every moment.

With every swipe of a screen.

Every reflexive glance at a notification.

The innumerable moments we find ourselves staring into the glow of a screen, almost without realizing how it ended up in our hands again.

Whether we call the people we love - or tell ourselves we’ll do it later.

Whether we are present with the person standing right in front of us - or whether our attention is elsewhere, fractured by the unceasing dings, buzzes, banners, and vibrations of modern life.

We are all being conditioned.

If I’m honest, I’m not happy with the way I’ve allowed myself to be conditioned.

I like to think of myself as disciplined.

Reflective.

Intentional.

I’ve spent years training my body and my mind for difficult things.

And yet, if I’m keeping score, I’m losing the daily battle of becoming more human and more of who I’m made to be.

This little device in my pocket - this glowing appendage - has more power over me than I’d like to admit.

Or to be accurate: I’ve given it more power than I should have.

I find myself going through the motions of life. At home. At work. Physically present, but often not there mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. I live a shallower life when I’m meant to live a deeper one.

And that gap - that distance between who I know I’m called to be and who I find myself becoming - creates a quiet ache. A low-grade dissatisfaction that never quite goes away.

Some describe this as the malaise of our time.

To make matters worse, it’s not only that I am suffering, but my family and my friends are affected by it too.

Being a founder and CEO of a venture-backed start-up in a new category of mental fitness is already hard.

Ask any founder who started something from nothing and they will tell you legions of stories of how difficult and at times miserable the journey has been.

But that isn’t what’s so hard about this.

The hard part is my wife and my kids know they only have a piece of me, not because of the job, but because of the power I allow the distracting devices to have over me.

The irony of being a tech CEO and struggling to fight the power that technology has is not lost on me.

What makes it worse is that I don’t feel weak in general.

I feel weak here specifically.

I have to confess I’m weaker than I’d like to be in my ability to defend myself against an onslaught of mechanisms and techniques explicitly designed to condition me into someone I don’t like and don’t want to become.

It’s like I’m playing defense all of the time, when in reality, I know I’m made to go on offense.

I suspect I’m not alone.

The Truth About The Human Condition

Once we accept that we’re being conditioned, the obvious question becomes unavoidable:

Conditioned into what?

The truth is we are constantly conditioned to believe lies.

The modern world conditions us toward unending distraction, ceaseless consumption, and the slow disintegration of what it means to be human.

If we were gods, we wouldn’t need more of anything.

More money.

More power.

More fame.

More consumption.

The very hunger reveals the lie.

This conditioning - imposed upon us and often unconsciously accepted - does not strengthen the soul. It weakens it. It leaves us distracted, disintegrated, and disappointed, something I call “the Disorder Loop” and will write more about in the future.

The truth of the human condition isn’t something we need to avoid or deceive ourselves about.

To be human is to experience four inescapable realities - what I call “The Four Fs”:

1. We are Finite: limited in time and space.

2. We are Fallen: we do not live as we know we ought.

3. We are Fallible: we do not know all we wish we knew.

4. We are Fragile: we will die.

Despite what the world tells us, these conditions are not constraints to be eliminated. They are truths to be lived within.

And they stand in stark contrast to God’s condition - “The Four Os”

• We are Finite; God is Omnipresent

• We are Fallen; God is Omnibenevolent

• We are Fallible; God is Omniscient

• We are Fragile; God is Omnipotent

Much of modern conditioning is an attempt to escape our humanity rather than inhabit it.

Conditioning for the Human Condition

As Marines, we conditioned relentlessly.

We trained responses until they became automatic - not to eliminate freedom, but to preserve life. Under stress, you don’t want to debate options. You want your body and mind to move with clarity, efficiency, and effectiveness.

A conditioned body reacts efficiently.

It conserves energy.

It follows learned pathways.

That’s true in combat, in the classroom, and within the contours of our everyday lives.

Conditioning itself is not the problem.

The problem is unintentional conditioning toward the wrong end.

So the central question of our time becomes this:

How can we condition ourselves intentionally?

What conditioning strengthens our capacity to become more human?

I long to love well.

I long to be present.

I long to create, contribute, and serve.

But those capacities wither under constant conditioning that keep me stuck in the Disorder Loop of distraction, disintegration, and disappointment.

To be human is to be relational. That requires attention, vulnerability, and love.

To be human is to be creative. That requires space, faith, and wonder.

To be human is to be imperfect. That requires acceptance, grace, and fortitude.

Human conditioning, then, must be conscious of who and what we are, coherent in the way we live out our values in everyday life, and lead to communion with others and God.

Properly employed, Human Conditioning should increase our fitness to be more human.

True fitness is not merely physical.

It is physical, mental, and spiritual.

Human conditioning must strengthen our physical, mental and spiritual fitness to become more human every single day. It must submit to the telos and terms of our lives and enable us to become who we are made to be, not reactively devolve into a machine.

Every day, we are becoming someone new.

If we do not, the world will gladly choose for us.

In fact, it already has.

It will not condition us for depth, presence, love, or virtue.

Rather, it will condition us to continue drifting through life half dead rather than fully alive.

The invitation is simple - but not easy:

To condition ourselves for the human condition.

To become more fully who God made us to be.

One day at a time.

Conditional Statements and Complicated Problems

"If this.....then that..." and its related thought cousin "when this...then that" is how many of us live our lives.

As we should.

"If I get this job, then I can pay off my loans faster" or "When I have $100K of savings, I can buy a house."

In computing or programming world, the if this, then that employs boolean logic that evaluates whether the first part of the condition is true or false and depending on the result, initiates the next step in the process.

To add to the programming jargon, this conditional statement of if this, then that is a staple of algorithms we rely on everyday. An algorithm is nothing more than a step by step procedure for solving a problem.

The if this, then that, or the when this, then that statements - for now, let’s simply call them the Conditional Statements - are the basic building blocks of algorithms we rely on to live. They are embedded in nearly everything in our lives. From the software we use to navigate, our banking systems we rely on to live, and all of the productivity software we rely on to do our everyday work.

These Conditional Statements and which serve as the building blocks of programs we rely on are great at solving simple and complicated problems.

But here's the problem, they are insufficient at solving complex problems.

Sorry, more definitions for clarity are required.

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Complicated Problems are predictable, linear, and have finite identifiable variables allowing the problem to be clearly defined and a solution to be easily identified.

Complex Problems are not so. They are unpredictable and do not have a finite and knowable variable set therefore preventing a clearly identifiable problem, process, and solution.

I'll leave the discussion on wicked problems for another day…

Suffice it to say, Complicated Problems are perfectly suited for solutions driven by computing power.

And thank God for that. Complicated Problems can be solved via applications that are now ubiquitous.

Lyft and Uber help us get from here to there easily.

Groceries are packed and delivered to our doorstep conveniently.

We can buy things we need and want with our cards, our phones - or if you're really cool, with your watch.

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Life is Complex, not Complicated

The increase of computing power lets us in mass apply Conditional Statements to overcome the Complicated Problems in our life.

This computing power and Conditional Statements duo has worked so well in solving Complicated Problems that we apply it to nearly everything, including Complex Problems.

And that is a big mistake.

The things of life that really matter like:

- Who am I and who do I want to become?

- What is important to me and gives me meaning in my life?

- Why am I here?

Are at a minimum Complex Problems if not Wicked Problems. Indeed the S, the R, and E in the SPIRE Wellbeing Model are more Complex than Complicated.

We treat many things in life as if they are just Complicated Problems to be solved.

Soren Kierkegaard said it best: Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.

We just can’t treat life as if it were a bunch of complicated problems to be solved. Life is too complex for that.

Anyone who has children, aging parents, a sudden sickness, or who has experienced real suffering knows this truth.

The paradox of life is when we try to make it predictable it becomes boring but the uncertainty of life causes us to worry.

We want to control our life but we can’t and ultimately more control does not mean more fulfillment.

So the next time you find yourself - like me - trying to treat a complex experience as if it were a Complicated Problem to be solved, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do I clearly know what the problem and the goal is?

2. Do I know ALL of the variables that influence and interact with this problem?

3. Can I set up a clear process to solve this problem to achieve the goal I want?

4. Can I control the entirety of the process?

If we asked ourselves these questions, we would likely quickly realize how much of our lives are actually complex experiences and not Complicated Problems.

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Humans Experiencing Life with Other Humans

The nature of the Human Condition is that we need and want other humans to do life with, to process the complex experiences we are going through, and to navigate the joys and challenges of life's uncertainties with others who can empathize.

At our core, we crave what cannot be optimized or solved algorithmically: purpose, meaning, beauty, joy, significance, a story worth living, love, and being really known by others just to name a few.

Yet, society tells us that technology - which is computational power aggregated to algorithmically process a series of Conditional Statements - has the ability to transform Complex Experiences into Complicated Problems.

It does not.

Technology is great at solving Complicated Problems.

Humans are great at experiencing and processing the Complex.

Humans are complex beings designed to experience the complexity of life in community with others.

This is our reality.

We ignore it to our detriment.

Getting Fat and Happy?

I recently went to an all-inclusive resort with the family.

The island was beautiful, the people were welcoming, and every meal or drink I wanted was seemingly at my fingertips and on demand:

• affogato (for those who are not in the know, this is a double espresso poured on top of a scoop or two of vanilla ice cream - it may just change your life)

• crepes - my go to is either Nutella or peanut butter combined with banana

• surf and turf for dinner

• omelets made to order

• any and all the beer, wine, and liquor you could possibly want to consume

• sushi and sashimi all day

• For the adventurous types - curried goat, braised oxtail, and jerk chicken popping with seasoning

But it wasn’t just about filling my stomach and satisfying my pallet, it was about the experiences of it all:

• snorkeling over the coral reef

• jumping into serene rivers

• off-roading in atvs

• going up mountains in gondolas only to be served so well at the top with more food and drink, zip lines and obstacle courses, and an amazingly fun pool slide with an awesome view

• massages, cold plunges, saunas, and other spa treatment

• piano bar and nightly concerts

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Our entire family was wined, dined, and served amazingly well. We had no work to do since they cleaned, cooked, and served us around the clock. Combined with the beautiful surroundings of teal-blue waters, coconut trees, and picturesque sunrises and sunsets we experienced for a few days what it could look like with everything given and provided to us as if we were the center of the universe.

But things are never as perfect as we imagined, hoped, or it seemed.

Despite working out for four of the seven days there, I gained three pounds. But that's the simplest part of the challenges to our perfect vacation.

The more complicated part was despite having everything given to me, the allure and enjoyment of it all started to diminish after the first two or three days.

Now I know hedonistic adaptation is a thing, but gosh I did not realize it happened so fast and at such extreme experiences as well!

While my body and cravings were pretty much satisfied in nearly every possible way, I couldn’t help but feel.... fat. And I don’t mean physically - though I was certainly not building any muscle during this time :)

What I mean is I was just consuming all of the time:

• food

• drink

• experiences

I didn’t work for any of it.
It didn’t require anything from me.
I didn’t contribute to it.

I just ate, drank, and experienced without cost and without limit.

And it not only was adverse to my physical body, it felt in many ways injurious to my soul and spirit.

Now wait - I’m not saying vacations are inherently bad and I don’t want to come off spoiled or ungrateful. I’m so happy we got the privilege and resources to go on this vacation as a family. We needed it and wanted it. And we truly did enjoy it.

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The Picture Perfect Life We Are Supposed To Want

But as I am want to do, it got me thinking about this experience overall from a philosophical and cultural perspective.

I mean, isn’t this the picture and dream we are all supposed to chase? Living a life of relaxation, being served, and consuming to no end whatever we want?

We need more.....food, drink, cars, followers, clothes, houses, money, sex, drugs, fame, status, power....

The advertisers and companies all around us tell us we want more - that we need more.

That life would be perfect or better if we just had....or achieved...

You pull that rationale to the extreme and all the way to the end and you end up in an all-inclusive resort in effect :)

But let me tell you

We are made to work, to contribute, to serve, to sacrifice and to create.

Put another way, we aren’t made to be endlessly served and consume.

There must be some sort of balance or harmony.

• We need to consume (we are very good at this) and we need to create (need help here).

• We need to do (this is the default for most overachievers like you and I) and learn to be (like you, I’m failing here).

• We need to be in the noisy world (life is expended here) and get silence and solitude to contemplate (life is given here).

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A Personal Philosophy to Avoid Having Fat Outer Lives and Starved Inner Lives

Ultimately, we need to steward our outer life (default) as well as our inner life (lots of room for improvement here).

Epictetus put it more succinctly when he said "All philosophy lies in two words: sustain and abstain."

Even when given so much of what I thought I wanted, I realized I needed to abstain a lot more and it took real discipline to do so (especially when you start playing the value game and say "well I paid for all of this as part of the all-inclusive resort package." )

We are in a world where over-consumption and self-indulgence is the norm and status quo.

We are told we should want to be at the center of it all and consume to our delight.

But the reality is we are very good at sustaining such things but this often absent-minded consumption is slowly forming us into something lesser than what we are designed to be.

It takes a personal philosophy of being explicit on what we want to sustain and abstain rooted in first principles and conviction to live an integrated life.

Without well-developed inner lives, we don’t have a fighting chance to be uniquely ourselves, contribute to others, and ultimately live fulfilling meaningful lives.

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Questions to Contemplate:

1. Where do you over-consume or do? Why?

2. What should you abstain more from? What’s stopping you?

3. How well-developed is your inner-life? What would help you develop it more?

I have this nagging feeling there is more to life. Like I’m experiencing about 50-60% of it but there is more to be had.

It's always there deep down inside. Sometimes stronger and sometimes it's barely noticeable.

But it's always there. The truth lurking in the background of this very busy life I live.

It doesn’t make sense.

Ive got a great family, a meaningful job I can throw myself into, good health, and a wonderful community.

But the feeling of incompleteness is always there.

I try to ignore it by incessantly scrolling on my phone, going from one meeting to another, or buying something that I pretend will temporarily satiate my desires and hopefully stifle the feeling.

None of it works.

The videos aren’t real, the meetings come and go, and the things I buy aren’t nearly as perfect as I hoped or as their companies advertised.

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The Real Problem

I know I will be here and gone tomorrow. The shortness of my life is ever present around me. I can’t ignore it and that revelation plays games with my mind.

I know I’m here for a purpose beyond accumulating possessions and satisfying my bodily desires. But isn’t that what life is all about? It feels like it if you listen to what’s being incessantly pumped out there via social media and advertisements.

I know all of these things in my head like I know what two plus two is. That is, I know it cognitively but I don’t know all of it experientially.

I knew that when I was going to become a father that it would mean so many things like being able to have an excuse to carry snacks with me everywhere I went, that it would mean losing some sense of personal freedom, and that I'd likely be late almost everywhere I went for a period of time.

I cognitively knew and could anticipate those things would be a part of my life.

But I didn’t know how hard being a father would be until I experienced it: that my flaws and shortcomings would be magnified and clearly seen in the mirror my children presented to me on a nearly daily basis, that my own challenges from my childhood would come back to life in unexpected ways, and that I am not as loving, honorable, disciplined, nor as sacrificial as I thought I was. Marriage has had the same affect.

There are more ways of knowing something. We can know something in the cognitive sense and not really know it until we experience it.

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The Solution?

We aren’t drowning in a sea of knowledge, but are dehydrated in a desert of will.

I know a lot of things.

And yet I do the opposite to what I know.

The apostle Paul captures the sentiment better than anything else I've come across:

For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

(Romans 7:15-20 ESV)

But the problem here is not that I don’t have enough will. After all, I have more willpower, pain tolerance, and discipline than most. Playing varsity sports in every year of high school, over a decade of serving in the Marines, and getting through multiple advanced degrees tells me I’ve got enough willpower.

No, the problem isn’t the quantity of will, it’s the quality of my will. That in fact, what my will desires is actually the problem.

So much of our experience and world tells us the opposite. They sell us on the quantity problem.

We just don’t have enough....

- will

- focus

- money

- discipline

- energy

- status

- followers

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But that reality doesn’t make for good marketing or for selling the next thing or course.

The problem is not out there but in here.

No amount of scrolling, meetings, and buying will change that.

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The Truth

The truth is we cannot lift ourselves up by our bootstraps. At least, not for solving the quality problem.

No, the bootstrap myth reinforces the lie of we need more and to do more.

Quality is truly more important than quantity in this case.

The quality of the container of our embodied experience will always be less than what it can and should be. And for that, we need something outside of us to lift us up. Not by our bootstraps but through the spirit that lives in us.

We must live as the tripartite beings that we are: body, soul, and spirit.

But we “are spiritual beings having a human experience”.

We need to stop or at least decrease living like we are just material responding to our environment as if we are machines.

As we do, the quality of life will improve because the quality of the container of life will improve. And, much to our chagrin, it will have nothing to do with how much we stuff it with possessions or performance.

Questions

1. Do you feel the feeling of “incompleteness”? If so, how does it manifest in your life?

2. Do you identify as a spiritual being? If so, how does that impact the way you live? If not, why not?

3. What is your relationship with performance and possessions?

The Wholebeing Institute's definition of wellbeing and what it means to be a human is worth highlighting verbatim: "SPIRE well-being considers the whole person—it encompasses spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational, and emotional well-being. By taking the whole into account, the greatest well-being can be realized. We call that wholebeing, and we use that term as our definition of happiness."

They define the perspectives of SPIRE as follows:

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Some of my quick reflections and thoughts on these perspectives:

Spiritual:

I like that Spiritual is the first perspective in the SPIRE model. Studies have shown the strong correlation between purpose and meaning and physical health outcomes, health behaviors, and psychosocial outcomes. 1 It is this perspective that feels the least understood and most under pressure by the way we live our lives - more on that in the coming weeks.

Physical:

Opposite of the Spiritual perspective, society has a long history of studying and attempting to improve the Physical perspective. This is likely due to its ease of being measured and therefore managed. As a species enamored with empiricism, we like to focus on things we can seemingly comprehend. Of course for many of us, our lives are becoming less physical and more digital which has adverse affects not only on the Physical perspective but on many of the other perspectives as well. Despite being the perspective that we may have the most awareness and understanding of, the changes to the way we live our lives necessitates we continue to focus on our physical wellbeing.

Intellectual:

Engaging in deep learning feels increasingly rare in our distracted world and yet we know that deep and not superficial learning is key to our wellbeing. The life of the intellectual - which from a normative perspective I'd argue that we are all made to be intellectual - is becoming harder for all of us. Not enough time, often over-scheduled, and the cacophony of noise from distractions crowds out the time we all need to slow down to contemplate.

Relational:

In the era of the loneliness epidemic, this perspective alongside the Spiritual feels very much under pressure. The paradox of our times is that despite being more "connected" than ever before via technology and social media, people are increasingly lonely and drowning in superficial relationships. Given we are made to be in community and in real relationships with others, this perspective is something we all need to give much more attention and priority to.

Emotional:

"Reaching towards resiliency" is an interesting part of the definition of this perspective. I will likely write more on the topic of resiliency as compared to reaching towards the concept of anti-fragility popularized by Nassim Taleb as the goal we should be reaching for.

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For contrast, I created what I think is actually how we as individuals and as a society live in terms of our beliefs on wellbeing encapsulated in the statement

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Status:

"We are our titles".

How many of us introduce ourselves by saying our first name and then our title? In the DC metropolitan area, this seems to be the only way you are supposed to introduce yourself. Or in this new era of being superficially known by thousands in the form of followers but really known by a few or none, our status ties our actual identity and intrinsic worth to a transitory role and status.

This inevitably leads to an identity crises of sorts and leaves us on the unsustainable hamster wheel of performing for love.

Possessions:

"We are what we have".

Consumption that is satisfied in the material world seems to be the narrative that we are all fed from our birth. Our shopping carts, houses, and garages are so full that many of us have self-storage units. And yet, the sad truth is many of us are empty inside.

We try to feed our malnourished soul and spirit by buying more things. Our possessions only seem to possess us and the material fails to satisfy the immaterial.

Individual:

"We are at the center of our universe".

It's all about us as individuals. We are at the center of it all and life is about us and for us. We ignore the need for meaningful relationships and community at our detriment and the reality of our human condition. Individuals focused on themselves, living for themselves, and relying on themselves inevitably live isolated, superficial lives devoid of purpose and meaning. We are meant to serve and to contribute to others.

Results:

"We are what we produce".

Our wellbeing and value is tied to our ability to produce results. For our companies and for ourselves. This utilitarian approach attempts to transform us from human beings into machines.

But human beings cant live fully when optimization, efficiency, and productivity are the guiding truths of life. Machines can be measured and therefore managed under such conditions. Human beings will only barely survive. As a tripartite being comprised of a body, soul, and spirit, we are more than mere atoms bouncing around responding as automatons to our environment.

Empirical:

"We are what we can measure and therefore manage".

As humans we have a deep desire to understand our world and ourselves. This good desire has led us down a path to worship at the altar of reason and only what we can comprehend through observation and measurement. It sucks the joy, beauty, and meaning out of much of life. These are things as human beings we want and truly need. It degrades the human experience and what it means to be a human being to only what can be measured and therefore managed. As I will write in the future this focus on measuring and managing in search for control often leads to manipulation and on a path to deifying ourselves. Suffice it to say, there is much more to life than the empirical.

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Questions to contemplate:

1. How do I ensure that I steward wellbeing akin to what is admonished via the Wholebeing Spire method? Where am I strong and where I can improve?

2. How much of the lies do I hold on to around the statement of “We are Individuals living in an Empirical world, defined by our Results which provide us increased Possessions and Status resulting in a superficial, distracted, and ultimately unfulfilling life”?

1. Mindful Morning Espresso Routine

2. The Power of Writing with a Pen

3. Gardening and Learning to be Patient

4. Running Slow to Go Fast

All of this is to show how accessible and practical these can be to slow down to ask ourselves the most important questions of life so we can live convicted - and not distracted - lives filled with purpose and meaning.

Questions to consider:

1. How do you slow down?

2. What are the biggest challenges to slowing down?

3. How do you know the ladder you are climbing is against the right wall?

Let me know if videos like this are helpful or how I can make them be better!

My device is my source of dopamine

I now can’t seem to live without it

Incessantly it drips into my bloodstream

Addicting my body, soul, and spirit

My device is my source of distraction

It distorts, disorders, and deviates

It has an indescribable attraction

My pain it temporarily alleviates

My device promises me so much

Ding! It notifies me about this

Dong! It reminds me I need that

It pulls me from what I shouldn't miss

Mesmerized there I sat

My device puts a glow upon my eyes

As I mindlessly watch others live their lives

Like it, my outside veneer is shiny

While it stifles the glow I once had inside

My screen time continuously grows

As my embodied time gradually shrinks

Time slows down as I scroll through vids

Time speeds up as I ignore my kids

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My device is the trojan horse I've invited in

I foolishly welcomed it into my soul

Once an appendage now it's firmly rooted within

Deep inside I realize I've lost control

My device possesses me, not the other way around

Its software and algorithm nudges me on what to do

My individual thoughts and feelings no longer abound

Now my device tells me what's supposedly true

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My device has become my vice

It’s very efficient at de-humanizing me

Instead of it becoming more human

I’m becoming more machine

Digital makes everything looks so good

The real world is dull

but AR/VR will fix that

But there's still a problem

Im still in the real world

But they've got a solution

thats already in motion

Soon I’m going to get my personal update

My device will be happy then

It’s been waiting patiently for my software update

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Deep down inside, you know it.

But you ignore it because the pain of that reality doesn’t hurt enough, and you’re good at ignoring it. You tell yourself the same story:

• The life I want to live is too hard or impossible to have.

• My life is not that bad.

• The costs of living the life I want are too high.

• People would think I’m crazy to give up what I have.

And yet, when you go to bed at night or find yourself undistracted, the same thought pops back up: “There is more to life than this, right?”

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Same Conversation, Different Month

I have the same conversation with myself every month or so. It revolves around this feeling that I’m not living the life I would design. If I pause and think about it, I can quickly identify basic things I’d want to change. Namely, I’d want to spend more of my time with my family and friends; serve my community more; be more consistent in my reading, writing, and working out; and deepen the integration of my faith in my daily life.

I know the person I want to be: A person who is present with the people in my life, an athlete, and a man of faith. Someone who reads widely, thinks deeply, and publishes consistently.

Unfortunately, that’s not how I live my life. Typically, I lose a lot of time being distracted by my phone. Usually, YouTube is what gets me—“there are so many things I could learn.” This is the lie I tell myself.

I don’t order my day—my energy and focus—in a way that supports my ideal way of living.

I can’t blame my phone for everything. The other major culprit is that I try to do too much. Instead of doing everything poorly, I should do a few things well.

But which things? What and why are all of the things I should say “no” to so I can say “yes” to the few things that really matter?

Living Distracted

It strikes me that we are taught a lot of things in school but how to practically live in this crazy world isn't one of them.

What are the set of principles that govern the way I (want to) live my life? How do I live my life so that when it comes to an end, I can have confidence that I did not let it pass by staring at a screen that showed me things that mostly don’t matter?

Distracted is defined as "having one's thoughts or attention drawn away". We are easily distracted because that which draws us away is stronger than what we intend to focus on. Put another way, my desire to be the person I know I’m made to be is not as strong as the YouTube videos, the emails, the LinkedIn notifications that incessantly draw me away. That’s pretty sad if you think about it. But it’s true, and in this case, the truth really does hurt.

Most of us pass through life distracted.

Instead of living an intentional life, we are living an interrupted life.

This little seemingly innocuous device that promises so much convenience and freedom is really the largest Trojan horse in all of our lives. It’s a burden many of us have too easily accepted, leading to lives of bondage.

Instead of living lives of significance, many of us are living superficial lives.

But what’s the opposite of living distracted?

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Living Convicted

Conviction is defined as“a strong persuasion or belief,” but its etymology is more illuminating: conviction shares its root with the word “conquer” and implies “to overcome decisively…to fight.”

It seems to me the reason why I and so many others live lives of distraction and not conviction is because:

1. We are not clear about our beliefs and values

2. We don’t care about our beliefs and values more than what distracts us

3. We don’t have enough fight in us to get started and keep going

We can choose to fight and conquer this challenge or not, but the first step in the battle is to recognize and accept that you’re in one.

Marines and Monks - Clear Conviction in a Chaotic World

Marines inherently train and prepare for a chaotic and disorderly life.

That’s a very nice way of describing the ugliness of war. The instability and pure chaos of life in combat is hard to articulate, and yet that’s the life Marines are trained to live.

How?

First, there is a clear orientation towards the organization’s mission and ethos that make the Marines “The Marines.” Marines have conviction about who they are and why they exist: they are America’s 911 force, and they intend to win wherever they are sent.

Second, they train for the life they expect to live. They operationalize their values into a rhythm of life. Marines work out regularly, qualify with their weapons annually, and do a host of things throughout the year to master their specific craft.

Third, they expect life to be hard. In some ways, they thrive in such a mentality. The harder the training, the more miserable the existence, the heartier the laugh. Seriously, some of the most fun I’ve had in my life was when I was miserable training with my men. There was a lot of “suck” in training and in combat. But when the dust settled, we typically looked at each other, made fun of something or someone, and laughed our hearts out. We were proud of how hard life was, and we were the few that not only survived in it, we thrived in it. Marines will keep going no matter what you throw at them. It’s just their way of life.

Monks are in many ways very similar.

When you think of a Monk, you very often think of contemplation and discipline.

Monks contemplate - a lot.

They are intentional about everything and have a rhythm of life that’s simply hard to replicate. They typically live by a “rule” of sorts—the Rule of Benedict, or Augustine, etc.—which governs the way they intend to carry out their days. It is not for the faint of heart, and yet, it’s what makes a Monk a Monk.

Why?

Because they have conviction. Their lives are consequences of the values they espouse.

They give up so many aspects of life that many of us would find daunting because they are clear-eyed about what they get in return.

They happily exchange money, possessions, and perceived freedom to do whatever they want in return for living deeply connected, spiritual lives of service to their faith and values.

Both Marines and Monks have high levels of conviction and aspire to live lives of order and discipline. While no one lives up perfectly to their aspirations, Marines and Monks present great examples of those who strive valiantly to integrate their inner and outer lives despite their inherent shortcomings.

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Building Anti-Fragile Lives

Interesting observation: Marines and Monks explicitly make clear what they believe in.

We should be encouraged to borrow from such practices and apply them in our own lives.

Let’s get conviction on our values and the life we want to live.

If you’re like me, you have lots of thoughts on what kind of person you want to be and how you’d like to live your life, but these thoughts are fleeting and often don’t translate into a life transformed by such values.

I get easily distracted.

I clearly don’t have enough conviction.

I’d like to change that.

Come join me in living a life that’s driven by conviction and not distraction, that orders our internal life and operationalizes it in our outer life. Let’s build anti-fragile lives—ones in which the inevitable obstacles that come with life truly do make us stronger.

I’d like to research how we get more conviction by creating our own life mission statement, rule of life, or personal philosophy. If you have resources you know that could be helpful, please send them my way!

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Questions to consider

1. What distracts you the most during an average day or week? Be specific.

2. What are the values that govern your life? Do you live them out? Why or why not?

3. What creates chaos or disorder in your life? How do you fight it?

It’s not if life happens, but when.

But I dont need to tell you that.

You already know. You’ve experienced it.

Life is a journey that’s guaranteed to have its ups and downs.

Each of us will have our own Goliath to overcome, deserts to get lost in to find ourselves, and opportunities to walk on water.

It keeps life interesting and arguably worth living.

But deep down inside we have a feeling there is more to life: that it doesn’t need to be so superficial, transactional, rushed.

Im exploring how we can learn to Be, so we can sustainably Do.

It's why Im beginning The Marine Monk.

What do Marines and Monks have in common? At first glance, not a lot it seems.

But like most things, there is more than meets the eye....

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The Outer Self - The Marine

I joined the US Marines shortly after 9/11 and served for over a decade in places like Japan, Iraq, Afghanistan, Capitol Hill, the Pentagon, and Cambridge. Over that time period, I learned a lot about what it means to lead, live a life of discipline, be a man of action, serve with and for others, and how to have courage even when afraid. I carry these hard-earned lessons with me daily.

Unfortunately, not all things from my service were positive. I also allowed my work to become my identity. Maybe you can relate.

When you're in a mission-driven organization that demands everything from you like the Marines, it’s an easy trap to fall into. It’s likely true for those who are in mission-driven companies, startups, non-profits, and generally those who are in service to something greater than themselves.

But it's a mistake.

While our work is important, it always comes to an end. Wrapping our eternal identity and value to the temporary work we put our hands to is a recipe for an identity crises.

My transition from the service resulted in deep soul searching on who I am, my value, and what Im on earth for. For that, I’m grateful. But my time in the Marines casts a shadow that still looms over me: I never want to mistaken my identity for the temporary - no matter how good or how honorable it may seem.

If we’re careful, we can bring the positives of being a Marine to live lives of courage, action, service, and meaningfully contribute to our world.

The Inner Self - The Monk

A bit older and hopefully a bit wiser, I’ve learned how important it is to develop our inner selves. Our souls yearn for love, beauty, belonging, purpose, meaning, and connection. But this necessitates slowing down, simplicity, silence, solitude, being present in the moment, contemplation and introspection, and being.

This sounds so out of reach for me and all of us running from event to event, desperately trying to derive signal from noise in the cacophony of slack, TikTok, tweets, reels, and emails. We don’t have the time for any of this slow, silent stuff - we've got too much to do!

That's the problem. And a lie.

One day we will wake up and wonder who decided to live this frenetic, shallow, and transactional life and sadly, we will come to the realization that we did.

Unintentionally.

Rather than living intentionally, we lived reacting to our environment. I’m on a journey of living a more intentional, contemplative life. One in which I’m a more present father, devoted husband, disciple of Christ, public servant and effective leader.

I've got a long laundry list of things I want to achieve and contribute - but I think the secret to having any chance of achieving any of it is by slowing down, not speeding up. By doing less, not more.

By living more like a Monk and less like a machine, I believe the life I want - the life we all truly want - is possible.

Living an Integrated Life

Unfortunately, living the life we want is highly improbable in the society we have built for ourselves.

The chips are stacked against us.

Just think about it: how many times while reading this did you check your email, texts, LinkedIn, Slack, IG, TikTok, Twitter/X, or Facebook?

To achieve the life we want will demand the Marine Monk in all of us.

The Inner Monk is the foundation of being which enables and powers the Outer Marine in us all. We must be before we do.

We must develop and integrate our Inner and Outer selves. To live otherwise would be a life of self-deception, fragmentation, and is destined towards exhaustion and disappointment.

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Why Subscribe - Philosophical, Practical, and Personal

The Marine Monk is an inquiry into what it means to live a life well-lived as a human in the 21st Century.

But let's be clear: I have very few answers and way more questions.

This place is meant to be a journal of my musings, explorations, reflections, and learnings. I hope to not only explore this inquiry through the philosophical, theological, cultural, and scientific lenses but to anchor it in the tactical and practical applications on how to live such a life. My hope is that these thoughts - primarily meant for gaining clarity for myself - will be helpful to others on a similar journey.

You've come to the right place if you're interested in exploring questions like:

• what does it mean to be (fully) human in the 21st century?

• how can we live a life of purpose and meaning?

• how do we integrate our work, faith, family, fitness into a coherent life?

• how can we live intentionally, driven by our own values?

• how can we uniquely contribute to our family, society, and work?

• what does a life well-lived mean for me?

• what are my values, why do they matter and how do I integrate them more into my everyday life?

You likely:

• are an overachiever/over-performer leading yourself, your family and/or a group at work

• have an intense personality and typically are "all in" when you commit to something

• are better at "doing" but struggle to "be"

• want to live more intentionally, be more contemplative, and desire to develop a greater inner life

• want to integrate more poetry, philosophy, faith, art and beauty in your life

• are a nerd like me and are interested in this subject :)

What to Expect

I aim to publish something at least monthly (hopefully more often!)

Musings are meant to be a bit more refined in processed thoughts. We're already inundated with incessant, immediately available posts that scratch the surface of every imaginable topic. Plus with a a young family and a startup to lead, I aim to make this project sustainable and fun.

Posts will often be constructed in terms of essays of reflection, reviews of interesting books, podcasts or articles, and because I want to begin integrating more beauty in my life, will likely include poetry, art, and music that have had an impact on me.

All of this is to say is that you will be joining me on the buffet of life which will not be focused on one kind of topic, niche, or medium. While there is nothing new under the sun, I hope to remind of us what is true about ourselves and our world. How that will play out I have no idea. The journey is just beginning and I’m just taking the first step.

I hope you will be engaged with me in this endeavor - send me questions to explore; poetry, art, music, articles, books, podcasts or whatever you come across that you think would be helpful in this journey; and feedback on how to make this better!

Like most things in life, this adventure will be more enjoyable if we do travel together in community.

Provisos

This is a personal exercise of making explicit the implicit. What I write about will evolve as my thinking (contemplation!) evolves. Nothing is final and I reserve the right to change my mind as I continue to learn. I hope we all do.

Obligatory Note: views expressed are my own and do not reflect official positions I hold or have held (e.g. CEO of Forte; board member, US Marine etc) .

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Questions to Consider

Ask yourself these questions during your times of contemplation. If you’re comfortable, share with the community for us to encourage you and for it to be encouragement to us on a similar journey of life

1. How would I evaluate the state of my Inner life?

2. What would I change in my life this week? why?

3. What’s my biggest obstacle(s) preventing the life I want to live?

P.S. Anson’s song speaks to our time in ways that I just cant.

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